I need your help, Lord. I cannot do this alone. Our family and friends are wonderful and we have been truly blessed by them. I know that if we need someone or something, all we have to do is call and someone will be here. The sincerity expressed by them is unquestionable. I know that. I can see it in their eyes and I can hear it in their voice. The notes and cards that we have received have been a blessing and they are read over and over, almost daily. We have experienced your love through our friends and family, yet, I need your help.
Without the love of family and friends, I can’t begin to imagine where we would be right now. The days are easier because we stay busy but the nights and weekends are so very hard. How I long to call her or have her call me. The plans we had made for the summer, the shopping trips we had planned, the summers on the lake…all of that mother-daughter time is gone now. Memories are all that I have now. With technology being so advanced and cell phones having so many functions, why didn’t we have videos of those special times? Why didn’t we take more videos of everything our family did together? Just a snippet here and a snippet there would have given us a permanent memory of her smile, her laughter, and her sweet voice. Just like texting has gotten in the way of talking, pictures have taken the place of videos many times. I would give everything that I have to be able to watch videos of her, especially those when she is interacting with her brother and her beloved Doug. Those special times are just a memory in my mind and I pray to you, Lord, that those memories will remain clear and concise for as long as I live. I need your help, Lord.
I need your help, Lord, to help me to remember that she was never ours to keep but why did she have to leave us so soon? I need your help, Lord, to help me keep my faith strong and to remember that we were not meant to walk this journey alone. I need to feel your presence, hear your voice and know that you are guiding us every step of the way. At the age of 10 I knew that I wanted to follow you and to live for you. I wanted you to live in my heart and you have. My heart is broken now and I am weak. I need your help, Lord. I need courage to face each day. I have a wonderful husband, son, daughter-in-law, grandson and son-in-law. That should be enough but at times, I find myself sinking and at no time do I ever want my family to think that they are not my reason for living. They are my world, my life, my every breath that I breathe is for them. Please help me to always make sure that they realize this. Our sweet son has offered to have some mother-son time and I am looking forward to that. We will surely have adventures and make memories, of that I have no doubt. He can always make me laugh and smile even when I don’t think I have any laughter left.
I try to talk and put on a happy face but I have never been good at hiding my feelings. Please help me so that I won’t make others feel uncomfortable. I don’t want them to be afraid to speak of her for fear of upsetting me. She is still a huge part of our lives and I don’t want that to be forgotten. I need your help, Lord.
I kiss my cross necklace that contains some of her cremains multiple times aday. I can hear my sweet friend telling me that I am going to rub the finish off of it like I did with the pendant that I bought when we were in Rome. Knowing that could possibly happen, I still kiss my necklace; it’s the only way that I can kiss her now. I hold the necklace in my hand so I can hold her. Her urn is beside our bed. I kiss that goodnight every night. I sleep with her shirt like I’m hugging her. I know that these are just tangible things because I have her in my heart always, but I have to have something tangible to hold. I need your help, Lord.
I know that she is with you and that she is watching over us. I still pray that I will dream about her and that I will remember that dream. I pray that I will feel her brush against me or that I will feel her gentle touch on my face. I know that these things are possible. I believe that with all of my heart, but I need your help, Lord.
I need your help, Lord. Please hear my prayer.