I walk past your bedroom door but I can’t open it. Behind the door is a lifetime of memories and things that you loved so much. Boxes of your things that were at your house, the home that you and Doug had, remain unopened. I can’t open the boxes yet. I’m not sure that I will ever be able to open them.

Your pictures are still on your nightstand just like you had them. The bottle of water that you placed on the nightstand the last time y’all spent the night with us is still right where you put it. Your sleep machine that allowed you to listen to the ocean waves as you were going to sleep is now silent.

Your wedding dress hangs in your closet. The minute you tried on that dress you knew it was “the one”. You were such a beautiful bride and you absolutely glowed as your dad walked you down the aisle to be with Doug. Your 3rd anniversary is in two days. I wish that I could just sleep through that day. So many wonderful memories, so much happiness and now, overwhelming sadness.  The week of your wedding you were giddy with excitement; even knowing that you had to wear your pink tennis shoes with your wedding dress because of your foot surgery made you laugh. As long as you were going to be able to dance with Doug at your reception, you didn’t mind wearing the pink tennis shoes. On that day, all was right with the world. I can’t remember any other time that you were even half as happy as you were on your wedding day.

Tears run down my cheeks everyday; my pillow is wet every night. I know that you are in Heaven and your body is whole once again. My faith tells me that and I believe that. Knowing that you are one of God’s angels should be very comforting for me yet my heart is in a million pieces.

I am certain that you are constantly watching over Wesley. This weekend he saw your picture and said “Aunt Jenn”! He remembers you and he loves you. He loves “Unc Doug” and Sadie and Briscoe. He will always remember you because we will tell him stories about you and how much you loved him.

I’m told that time heals all wounds. I don’t believe that. Losing a child leaves such an enormous wound and there won’t ever be enough time to heal that wound. Without your brother I don’t know what Dad and I would do. Your brother gives us strength when we think we have none. He reminds us that it is ok to laugh even when we don’t feel like laughing. He reminds us that life does go on. We love him so very much. He is our rock and you will always be our sunshine.

I love you and miss you so much.

Mom

 

 

 

 

 

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